Deciding to bring a new family member into the picture is a new, exciting, and not always sexy… time in your life. If you’re a first time mother, it can be hard to predict how a baby will affect your life and especially your sex life. As an OBGYN and mother, I want to help you prepare for the changes ahead by sharing with you 7 ways in which having a baby could affect your sex life.

1) Life Gets Complicated

Bringing a baby into the world means bringing a lot more responsibility into your life. You are no longer just taking care of yourself. You are now focused on the small human being who needs you for everything in the world. All your time and energy is now funneled away from your relationship, which can leave your partner feeling neglected. It’s important to make time for the two of you no matter how many diapers you’ve changed that day or how inviting a quick snooze feels.

2) You Are Going to be Exhausted

Speaking of a quick snooze… A new baby means getting up at all hours of the night. Your sleep schedule will become extremely erratic due to constantly having to get up and cater to your baby’s needs. You may find yourself wanting to choose sleep over your partner more often than not, but it’s important to resist this urge and make sure that you’re still making time for each other.

3) Financial Stressors

Babies can bring excitement, happiness and financial stress… Maybe before you had your baby you were working and had an income. Now that you don’t have as much money coming in, you may start to feel stressed which can affect you sexually. Your drive may not be there when you have all these new things that are changing your surroundings.

4) Lack of Adult Time

Many mothers choose to take maternity leave in order to take care of and truly bond with their baby. There’s no shame in choosing this, in fact it’s strongly encouraged. But it’s important to keep in mind that if you’re staying home with your baby everyday, you may not be getting a lot of adult contact. This can create even more stress for you that results in a strained sex life.

5) Your Body Image

Now whether we like it or not… we all know that our body changes after having a baby. I always tell my patients to not bring their skinny jeans to the hospital because they’re not going to fit after having a baby. The problem is that you’ll be swollen due to fluid shifts after having a baby. We tend to think that it’s all going to go away right after we have our baby, but unfortunately that’s just not the case. It usually takes another week for your body starts to bring all that extra fluid back into your vessels and for you to pee it out.

Another thing to keep in mind is that your uterus will be enlarged. I personally had an experience where I was out shopping after I had my baby and someone there asked me when I was due. This happens quite often afterwards because you still kind of look pregnant. Even further down the road, you may still have lingering “baby fat” that stubbornly won’t go away. So long story short, you may not be feeling your sexiest.

Also, your breasts, which were once considered a sex organ, are now a feeding tool. This combined with feeling a bit more flabby than usual, can cause your sex life to suffer due to your lack of self confidence. The good news is that these effects are not permanent. You can get your pre-baby body back by eating healthy and exercising regularly.

6) Vaginal Complications During Delivery

Another thing that can affect your sex life is experiencing a tear or episiotomy during vaginal delivery. Tears can range from being pretty minor to very severe. Depending on the severity of the tear, it can take several months for your vagina to heal and get back to normal. Women who have suffered a tear will often complain of painful sex in the beginning. The good news is that the vagina heals incredibly well! If you think about it, women have been having babies for years and years, before we had sutures or stitches of any kind and have been just fine. The healing power of the vagina is truly amazing.

7) Breastfeeding A.K.A. Nature’s Birth Control

Disclaimer: breastfeeding isn’t actually a real form of birth control and may not prevent pregnancy. What does happen, however, is your body stops making as much estrogen as you were previously. Estrogen keeps the vagina moist and stretchy. Without estrogen your vaginal tissue can get really dry, almost as if you went through menopause. I promise you haven’t, you will get your estrogen back once you stop breastfeeding.

Since your vagina isn’t producing as much natural fluid, sex can be painful. My advice is to dust off your lubricant and use it, especially the first time you have sex again. I want to note that if you’re using condoms, you’ll need to use a water based lubricant, but if you’re not using them, I highly recommend a silicone based one. This will really help with the friction and eliminate pain.

If lubricant doesn’t work for you, I also recommend using a low dose vaginal estrogen that you put in your vagina. Basically you’ll be giving your body back what it needs and restoring your vagina’s elasticity that is imperative for pain-free, enjoyable sex.

Conclusion

You may be feeling a bit uneasy about what the future holds for you postpartum, but I assure you that a majority of women can regain their pre-baby sexuality. When you have a kiddo you don’t have to give it all up. You can still have a very satisfying sex life.

Dr. Becky Lynn is a gynecologist, menopause and sexual health specialist in St. Louis, MO.  She is licensed to practice medicine in Missouri, Tennessee and Illinois.  She she sees patients in her St. Louis office and offers telehealth consults to Illinois and Tennessee.  Call today to schedule your appointment.  (314) 934-0551 or click here to schedule.